The playlist has become stale and, face it, you can only for so long pretend to be asleep to avoid those ‘thoda adjust karo’ requests. Presenting the ultimate listicle – not those fab five sled dog manoeuvres you ought to master when in Alaska or the six super ‘go anywhere’ unguents you can whip up at home. But an everyday, everyone listicle – to tide over an otherwise lugubrious Metro ride.
1. When the stuffy guy sitting next to you puts his arms around your seat beam at him like you’d be happy to entrust your whole life to him. If he still doesn’t move it tell him you’d be happy to spend your life with him.
2. SMS ‘This shameless bugger is watching every word I am typing’ and check the guy next to you for signs of incredulity, at least embarrassment. If it is missing, then SMS, well, whatever you have to.
3. Smack your lips at teen lovers using every braking as an opportunity to neck, seemingly inadvertently. After all being old doesn’t mean you have to be left out of all the fun.
4. Dart glances between the standing aunty and the sitting guy – any guy – like it’s a reserved seat. Make her glare at as many guys as you can till she latches on to the game and starts giving you the daggers.
5. Shake your head solemnly at the schoolboy wolfing down his lunch – on his way back home. He is not looking at you so shake your index finger at him like you gonna tell. Keep at it till he disembarks and cocks a snook at you from the platform. Learn how smart kids are these days –the hard way.
6. Offer your lap when someone asks you to ‘thoda adjust karo’ and spend the rest of the journey basking in the most spiteful glowering to ever come your way.
7. When the ‘lavaris vastu’ announcement comes on the PA shrink away from the bag on the floor which you know fully well belongs to the guy sitting next to you. See if you can make a face too like Jim Carrey.
8. Find the prettiest girl in the train and try to remember which of your exes looked like her. Find your life brightening up when you realise nobody did.
9. Sing along to the song blaring out of the ear phone of the person sitting/standing next to you. Keep at it till he turns it off or jumps in front of an oncoming train.
10. If you are still reading this, devise ways to jump yourself in front of an oncoming train.
This blog post is inspired by the blogging marathon hosted on Indiblogger for the launch of the #Fantastico Zica from Tata Motors. You can apply for a test drive of the hatchback Zica today.
